Where I Belong

Just wanted to share a quick video of a song that speaks volumes about the Truth of my identity here on this earth- this world is not my home.This relates to my last post about the tension that I experience living in the "now, but not yet" stage as a Christ-follower.

"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city."

Hebrews 11:13-16

"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."

1 Peter 2:11

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19-21 

Beneath It All

Preface:  I haven't posted in a while and I don't really know if anyone ever reads my blog. That doesn't matter. In fact, if anything, this post today is for me to get my thoughts on paper. I know a lot of my nursing friends have wanted to hear about my preparation and experience with the NCLEX. I will post about that at a later date, but for now, I just really want to process through these past couple of months since graduation and all that Christ has done and is doing. 

 TRANSITION:

Transition. I guess you could say that I am going through a transition. (By no means, will this be the last transition that I will experience in my lifetime.)  What I mean is I am no longer identified as a college student, but rather a college-grad.  According to the world, I am supposed to have landed my dream job, have moved out of my parent's home, be making plans to move towards marriage with my perfect tall, dark, and handsome boyfriend, and have started making purchases on a home and/or new vehicle. 

Or am I? 

Am I a failure since I haven't landed the job that I am expected to have landed PRIOR TO graduating from college with my nursing degree? Am I a failure, if I am still driving my 2001 Beetle around town, while the hub cabs are beginning to fall off?  Am I a failure if I am single and living at home with my family? The answer of course is no. No, I am not a failure. The Lord doesn't experience my life as a failure either.  In fact, He- the Author and Perfector of my faith, has used this season to began stripping away many idols in my life. Ministry, my dream job, moving into a cute home, and time with friends have a pattern of being idols in my life.  Idols: although not explicitly "bad" in and of themselves, they are things I run to other than Christ to satisfy. They may satisfy me for a while, but the satisfaction is guaranteed to only be TEMPORARY! Then again, I find myself looking for something else to pile into a hole of emptiness that was only meant for Christ to complete. I put a weight on these things, that they cannot carry nor were they ever intended to hold. This is DANGEROUS!

God has uniquely designed this season of my life in a way where I am pressed to think and meditate on the things of God. His fight for me is relentless. He has used these things, that to the world would seem like an ultimate failure, to till up my soul and prepare me to believe the TRUTH about who I am in Him and to bring glory to himself.

Jesus' sweet whisper and SHOUT at the same time is that I AM HIS and HE IS MINE! 

I am not going to lie and say that this has been an easy season. No! It has been hard and well fought AGAINST on my end. I want to display to the world my pedigree- my degree and my accolades, my time in ministry on UNCC's campus, my, my my.... It's all about me. Don't you see? Please tell me you see all that I have done?  But Jesus says, " Lauren, all of your "good works" amounts to FILTHY RAGS. There is no need for you to try and prove to the world that you are good. You are not good. But, IN ME (CHRIST) you are a new creation. You have been given MY RIGHTEOUSNESS. I  chose you before the foundation of the world. I have adopted you and YOU ARE MINE and this has NOTHING AT ALL to do with you and what you've done, except for your sin! YOU are MINE, because of  who I am and what I ACCOMPLISHED on the CROSS!  Look to the cross, Lauren. It is finished." 

In light of this, I pray that my heart's affection and my mind's attention would be soley fixed on Christ alone. That I may KNOW Him and that whatever I do, may I do it ALL for the glory of God. 

As a believer, I live in this stage of the now, but not yet. I have godly ambitions, longing so deeply to be conformed into Christ-likeness, yet my flesh is real and sin remains. My identity is not what I THINK I am or what I THINK I SHOULD be, but WHO I AM. 

Apart from Christ: 

I am separated

I am under the wrath of God

I am in bondage to sin

I am blind to truth

I am dead in my sin 

I am hard-hearted

I am a law-breaker

I am deceived

I am wicked

I am evil 

I AM NOT GOOD. 

BUT GOD IN HIS GRACE & MERCY SENT JESUS and through repentance and faith In Christ: 

I am what I am by God's grace

I am united to the Lord

I am a new creation 

I have been hidden with Christ

I am an image bearer

I am a member of Christ's body

I am blessed with every spiritual blessing

I am an heir of God

I am a seed of Abraham

I am a child of Light

I am holy and blameless

I am a member of a holy nation 

I am a stranger and alien in the world

I am part of the True Vine

I am CHOSEN

I am appointed

I am resurrected to new live

I am a slave of Righteousness

I am the dwelling place of God

So for now, I am seeking to KNOW Jesus. To walk with Him daily and to TRUST faithfully, even while everything seems to be falling apart. He sustains me. 

"For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh- But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may GAIN CHRIST and be FOUND IN HIM, NOT having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST, the righteousness of God that depends on faith- that I may KNOW HIM and the POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. NOT that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, BUT I PRESS ON TO MAKE IT MY OWN, because Christ Jesus has MADE ME HIS OWN. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained." 

Philippians 3:3, 7-16

Behind and Before

"You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me."
 -Psalm 139: 5

"The LORD your God who goes before you will himself FIGHT for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the LORD your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go.
 -Deuteronomy 1: 30-33

     It's mid-afternoon on a random Monday in March and I'm sitting in Caribou Coffee where I am again reminded of the Lord's faithfulness and commitment to me.
In a time where I haven't even known how to describe how I've been emotionally and spiritually.The Lord has met me, His daughter, right where I am at today, drinking my iced coffee.


      I've been hearing Jesus say over and over again the past few weeks... "Lauren, Be Still. TRUST ME. Really, I promise I am here and in control. Though I seem distant and you may not FEEL me close by. I am here. Pour your heart out before me. I am your refuge. (Psalm 62:8) I LOVE you and am committed to you! (Isaiah 43) TRUST. ME." Yet, like the Israelites I turned from the gentle commands of the Lord. I presumptuously go up into the hill country and decide time and time again to depend on my human self, like the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1.


The words God spoke to Moses in Deuteronomy 2:7 jumped off the page today and humbled I was again.


" For LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing."

I am so thankful for the intimate moments that the Lord speaks to me. Gently, quietly, and in moments that often seem so random. He knows what I need, exactly when I need it. He is a great God.                        


Despite circumstances that may seem hopeless at times. 
HE IS GOOD.


-L-

Be Still and Know

“Be still, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!”

Psalm 46:10 

 Job applications, resumes, group projects, 

precepting in the ICU (ON NIGHTS!!), doing ministry, working, dealing with graduation stuff, making big LIFE decisions, being a daughter, 

grand-daughter, sister, cousin, friend, bridesmaid, church member, college kid, and the list goes on... 

You see, the theme of my life lately has been one of busyness and chaos, yet the Lord is in COMPLETE control of it. 

In all of this I desire to endure, persevere, and mature. 

I've heard many people say "Lauren, you are almost there. Just think about that BSN behind your name and you'll get through". That is great and yes, there is a LOT to look forward to with the accomplishment that is within reach now. However, there was and is a LOT to be learned through the process. The Lord has taught me a lot about Himself and myself through this journey of nursing school. I would hate to miss even more of Him and what He has yet to teach me in these last days. 

Last year around this time a nursing student from UNCC tragically lost her life to unexpected  liver cancer.  

She was never able to experience the BSN behind her name. 

 What if I never get to use my BSN? 

 What if I never get to help a patient?

 Will I have wasted my life?

I don't want to waste my life; I want to be used!

Not just now, but for the rest of my life, and especially during these final weeks as a college student.   

I learned something dynamic that I wish I would've learned earlier on and that is the necessity of  boundaries. The Lord LOVES to use people to establish His kingdom, when He doesn't even need to.  

He does this with great joy!  

However, He calls people to glorify Him in all areas of their lives.
No matter how large or small your capacity is, we all need boundaries.  

Without boundaries we will "burn-out" or be "doing", yet not be engaged and that's a very dangerous place to be. 

I am a very scheduled individual, anyone who knows me can attest to that. 

 I love to make use of every minute! Productive, right :)

I believed a lie that "if I'm doing something of during every minute, rising up early and going to bed late, then I must not be wasting my life. I'm making very good use of it, right?" WRONG.

  While it is no fun to have to stay back while your friends go away for a retreat to the mountains or your family is having a barbecue; you may have just made a very wise decision. 

Not everyone will understand, but that's the beauty of it all. 

They don't have to. 

We all need to pull away and spend time alone, still, and before the Lord.

I am a people-pleaser.  

Yet, boundaries allow me to serve people in a much healthier, God-honoring way. 

Kind of ironic, huh?

 By saying "no" to some people, activities, events, or scheduling my day a little differently,  I am actually freeing myself up to love and serve Christ and others better. 

If I am not abiding in Christ then how am I to function?

 My time alone with God HAS to be a priority before anything else. 

Now, please understand I'm not perfect. 

There are definitely days that I miss getting in the Word and I experience the difference in my walk with the Lord.

Apart from Christ, I can do NOTHING. (John 15:5) 

It has been such a privilege to serve in Campus Outreach during my time at UNCC. This ministry has been a gift from the Lord; it has drastically impacted my life and helped me to know Christ better. This year the Lord has blessed me with  some precious freshman friends that are hungering and thirsting to know Christ more.

He has entrusted them to me to help them mature in their faith. WHAT?!

 I'm still blown away that the Lord delights to use His people to accomplish His work at hand.               

 That was NOT my plan when I committed to go to UNC-Charlotte or for the rest of my life. 

Oh, how the Lord's plan is different and WAY better than I could've began to imagine. 

So, I don't want to waste these last weeks.

I want to make an impact on the Kingdom for God's glory. 

 I want to give all that I have been given to those special young ladies. 

I have open hands before the Lord, for Him to do with my life whatever He pleases.

 I am not currently engaged, married , or preggers; therefore, I literally have the opportunity to go and do anything that I want at  after college. 

A few weekends ago Kristin Niland and I traveled to Charleston, SC to meet with the Medical Campus Outreach (MCO) staff. There is an opportunity for me to serve God as a nurse in the community and also as a MCO staff in the nursing program at MUSC.  

 There is nothing holding me back except my idol of comfort;  having to leave my family, leave the town I grew up in, move to a new place, meet new people, go to a new church, and get a job all in a city that I don't know much about.

 (Except that it has amazing restaurants, is BEAUTIFUL, and I'm sure I would have lots of visitors!)  

It was so good just to hear the possibilities of how the Lord could use my life for His glory and how my faith in Him would be challenged. 

My two loves (Nursing and Discipleship) in one. Perfect! Right? HAHA!

Now, comes the difficult part. 

BEING STILL & TRUSTING.

Yes, although the opportunity sounds nothing less than perfect and I should/want to be packing my bags to go now. 

I keep hearing the Lord tell me "Lauren, BE STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD." 

 It is definitely a challenge for me to BE STILL, for any length of time. But, the Lord has been very precious to me during this season and my moments of stillness. 

 I pray that I get more of HIM in the process and not get caught up on the BSN.

 So, whether its to the freshmen girls in Sanford, my future nursing staff, patients,children, family or the nursing students at MUSC;  

My heart utters the same words that Paul and Timothy spoke to the Colossians,

 "And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible, and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities- all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.For I want you to know how great  a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all treasures of wisdom in knowledge. 

Colossians 1:9-17, 2: 1-3

May I be USED UP 'til I breathe my last breath, resting fully in the sovereignty of an Almighty God who holds all things together.  

HE IS GOD.