Just wanted to share a quick video of a song that speaks volumes about the Truth of my identity here on this earth- this world is not my home.This relates to my last post about the tension that I experience living in the "now, but not yet" stage as a Christ-follower.
"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city."
Hebrews 11:13-16
"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul."
1 Peter 2:11
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Preface: I haven't posted in a while and I don't really know if anyone ever reads my blog. That doesn't matter. In fact, if anything, this post today is for me to get my thoughts on paper. I know a lot of my nursing friends have wanted to hear about my preparation and experience with the NCLEX. I will post about that at a later date, but for now, I just really want to process through these past couple of months since graduation and all that Christ has done and is doing.
TRANSITION:
Transition. I guess you could say that I am going through a transition. (By no means, will this be the last transition that I will experience in my lifetime.) What I mean is I am no longer identified as a college student, but rather a college-grad. According to the world, I am supposed to have landed my dream job, have moved out of my parent's home, be making plans to move towards marriage with my perfect tall, dark, and handsome boyfriend, and have started making purchases on a home and/or new vehicle.
Or am I?
Am I a failure since I haven't landed the job that I am expected to have landed PRIOR TO graduating from college with my nursing degree? Am I a failure, if I am still driving my 2001 Beetle around town, while the hub cabs are beginning to fall off? Am I a failure if I am single and living at home with my family? The answer of course is no. No, I am not a failure. The Lord doesn't experience my life as a failure either. In fact, He- the Author and Perfector of my faith, has used this season to began stripping away many idols in my life. Ministry, my dream job, moving into a cute home, and time with friends have a pattern of being idols in my life. Idols: although not explicitly "bad" in and of themselves, they are things I run to other than Christ to satisfy. They may satisfy me for a while, but the satisfaction is guaranteed to only be TEMPORARY! Then again, I find myself looking for something else to pile into a hole of emptiness that was only meant for Christ to complete. I put a weight on these things, that they cannot carry nor were they ever intended to hold. This is DANGEROUS!
God has uniquely designed this season of my life in a way where I am pressed to think and meditate on the things of God. His fight for me is relentless. He has used these things, that to the world would seem like an ultimate failure, to till up my soul and prepare me to believe the TRUTH about who I am in Him and to bring glory to himself.
Jesus' sweet whisper and SHOUT at the same time is that I AM HIS and HE IS MINE!
I am not going to lie and say that this has been an easy season. No! It has been hard and well fought AGAINST on my end. I want to display to the world my pedigree- my degree and my accolades, my time in ministry on UNCC's campus, my, my my.... It's all about me. Don't you see? Please tell me you see all that I have done? But Jesus says, " Lauren, all of your "good works" amounts to FILTHY RAGS. There is no need for you to try and prove to the world that you are good. You are not good. But, IN ME (CHRIST) you are a new creation. You have been given MY RIGHTEOUSNESS. I chose you before the foundation of the world. I have adopted you and YOU ARE MINE and this has NOTHING AT ALL to do with you and what you've done, except for your sin! YOU are MINE, because of who I am and what I ACCOMPLISHED on the CROSS! Look to the cross, Lauren. It is finished."
In light of this, I pray that my heart's affection and my mind's attention would be soley fixed on Christ alone. That I may KNOW Him and that whatever I do, may I do it ALL for the glory of God.
As a believer, I live in this stage of the now, but not yet. I have godly ambitions, longing so deeply to be conformed into Christ-likeness, yet my flesh is real and sin remains. My identity is not what I THINK I am or what I THINK I SHOULD be, but WHO I AM.
Apart from Christ:
I am separated
I am under the wrath of God
I am in bondage to sin
I am blind to truth
I am dead in my sin
I am hard-hearted
I am a law-breaker
I am deceived
I am wicked
I am evil
I AM NOT GOOD.
BUT GOD IN HIS GRACE & MERCY SENT JESUS and through repentance and faith In Christ:
I am what I am by God's grace
I am united to the Lord
I am a new creation
I have been hidden with Christ
I am an image bearer
I am a member of Christ's body
I am blessed with every spiritual blessing
I am an heir of God
I am a seed of Abraham
I am a child of Light
I am holy and blameless
I am a member of a holy nation
I am a stranger and alien in the world
I am part of the True Vine
I am CHOSEN
I am appointed
I am resurrected to new live
I am a slave of Righteousness
I am the dwelling place of God
So for now, I am seeking to KNOW Jesus. To walk with Him daily and to TRUST faithfully, even while everything seems to be falling apart. He sustains me.
"For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh- But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may GAIN CHRIST and be FOUND IN HIM, NOT having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes THROUGH FAITH IN CHRIST, the righteousness of God that depends on faith- that I may KNOW HIM and the POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. NOT that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, BUT I PRESS ON TO MAKE IT MY OWN, because Christ Jesus has MADE ME HIS OWN. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained."
"You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." -Psalm 139: 5
"The LORD your God who goes before you will himself FIGHT for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the LORD your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go. -Deuteronomy 1: 30-33
It's mid-afternoon on a random Monday in March and I'm sitting in Caribou Coffee where I am again reminded of the Lord's faithfulness and commitment to me. In a time where I haven't even known how to describe how I've been emotionally and spiritually.The Lord has met me, His daughter, right where I am at today, drinking my iced coffee.
I've been hearing Jesus say over and over again the past few weeks... "Lauren, Be Still. TRUST ME. Really, I promise I am here and in control. Though I seem distant and you may not FEEL me close by. I am here. Pour your heart out before me. I am your refuge. (Psalm 62:8) I LOVE you and am committed to you! (Isaiah 43) TRUST. ME." Yet, like the Israelites I turned from the gentle commands of the Lord. I presumptuously go up into the hill country and decide time and time again to depend on my human self, like the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1.
The words God spoke to Moses in Deuteronomy 2:7 jumped off the page today and humbled I was again.
" For LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows your going through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing."
I am so thankful for the intimate moments that the Lord speaks to me. Gently, quietly, and in moments that often seem so random. He knows what I need, exactly when I need it. He is a great God.
Despite circumstances that may seem hopeless at times. HE IS GOOD.
precepting in the ICU (ON NIGHTS!!), doing ministry, working, dealing with graduation stuff, making big LIFE decisions, being a daughter,
grand-daughter, sister, cousin, friend, bridesmaid, church member, college kid, and the list goes on...
You see, the theme of my life lately has been one of busyness and chaos, yet the Lord is in COMPLETE control of it.
In all of this I desire to endure, persevere, and mature.
I've heard many people say "Lauren, you are almost there. Just think about that BSN behind your name and you'll get through". That is great and yes, there is a LOT to look forward to with the accomplishment that is within reach now. However, there was and is a LOT to be learned through the process. The Lord has taught me a lot about Himself and myself through this journey of nursing school. I would hate to miss even more of Him and what He has yet to teach me in these last days.
Last year around this time a nursing student from UNCC tragically lost her life to unexpected liver cancer.
She was never able to experience the BSN behind her name.
What if I never get to use my BSN?
What if I never get to help a patient?
Will I have wasted my life?
I don't want to waste my life; I want to be used!
Not just now, but for the rest of my life, and especially during these final weeks as a college student.
I learned something dynamic that I wish I would've learned earlier on and that is the necessity of boundaries. The Lord LOVES to use people to establish His kingdom, when He doesn't even need to.
He does this with great joy!
However, He calls people to glorify Him in all areas of their lives. No matter how large or small your capacity is, we all need boundaries.
Without boundaries we will "burn-out" or be "doing", yet not be engaged and that's a very dangerous place to be.
I am a very scheduled individual, anyone who knows me can attest to that.
I love to make use of every minute! Productive, right :)
I believed a lie that "if I'm doing something of during every minute, rising up early and going to bed late, then I must not be wasting my life. I'm making very good use of it, right?" WRONG.
While it is no fun to have to stay back while your friends go away for a retreat to the mountains or your family is having a barbecue; you may have just made a very wise decision.
Not everyone will understand, but that's the beauty of it all.
They don't have to.
We all need to pull away and spend time alone, still, and before the Lord.
I am a people-pleaser.
Yet, boundaries allow me to serve people in a much healthier, God-honoring way.
Kind of ironic, huh?
By saying "no" to some people, activities, events, or scheduling my day a little differently, I am actually freeing myself up to love and serve Christ and others better.
If I am not abiding in Christ then how am I to function?
My time alone with God HAS to be a priority before anything else.
Now, please understand I'm not perfect.
There are definitely days that I miss getting in the Word and I experience the difference in my walk with the Lord.
Apart from Christ, I can do NOTHING. (John 15:5)
It has been such a privilege to serve in Campus Outreach during my time at UNCC. This ministry has been a gift from the Lord; it has drastically impacted my life and helped me to know Christ better. This year the Lord has blessed me with some precious freshman friends that are hungering and thirsting to know Christ more.
He has entrusted them to me to help them mature in their faith. WHAT?!
I'm still blown away that the Lord delights to use His people to accomplish His work at hand.
That was NOT my plan when I committed to go to UNC-Charlotte or for the rest of my life.
Oh, how the Lord's plan is different and WAY better than I could've began to imagine.
So, I don't want to waste these last weeks.
I want to make an impact on the Kingdom for God's glory.
I want to give all that I have been given to those special young ladies.
I have open hands before the Lord, for Him to do with my life whatever He pleases.
I am not currently engaged, married , or preggers; therefore, I literally have the opportunity to go and do anything that I want at after college.
A few weekends ago Kristin Niland and I traveled to Charleston, SC to meet with the Medical Campus Outreach (MCO) staff. There is an opportunity for me to serve God as a nurse in the community and also as a MCO staff in the nursing program at MUSC.
There is nothing holding me back except my idol of comfort; having to leave my family, leave the town I grew up in, move to a new place, meet new people, go to a new church, and get a job all in a city that I don't know much about.
(Except that it has amazing restaurants, is BEAUTIFUL, and I'm sure I would have lots of visitors!)
It was so good just to hear the possibilities of how the Lord could use my life for His glory and how my faith in Him would be challenged.
My two loves (Nursing and Discipleship) in one. Perfect! Right? HAHA!
Now, comes the difficult part.
BEING STILL & TRUSTING.
Yes, although the opportunity sounds nothing less than perfect and I should/want to be packing my bags to go now.
I keep hearing the Lord tell me "Lauren, BE STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD."
It is definitely a challenge for me to BE STILL, for any length of time. But, the Lord has been very precious to me during this season and my moments of stillness.
I pray that I get more of HIM in the process and not get caught up on the BSN.
So, whether its to the freshmen girls in Sanford, my future nursing staff, patients,children, family or the nursing students at MUSC;
My heart utters the same words that Paul and Timothy spoke to the Colossians,
"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible, and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities- all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all treasures of wisdom in knowledge.
Colossians 1:9-17, 2: 1-3
May I be USED UP 'til I breathe my last breath, resting fully in the sovereignty of an Almighty God who holds all things together.
I'm not sure if anyone ever reads these little blurbs about my life, but I just HAD to let this story of grace, mercy, excitement, joy, and thankfulness overflow onto my blog. :)
I have been thinking a lot about the one precious life that has been granted to me by God and the simple fact that I don't want to waste it.
I want ALL of my thoughts, decisions, plans, and actions that I make to honor and glorify my King and perfect Creator!
Thanks to everyone for your sweet birthday wishes and messages to me.
You don't understand how much your kind words mean to me.
I feel so loved by so many people.
I am so unworthy of this.
I'm not perfect and I don't have a "perfect" life. Actually, there's nothing good in me.
In fact I am a mess.
A complete mess.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved me, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ—by grace I have been saved—and raised up with him and seated with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward me in Christ Jesus. For by grace I have been saved through faith. And this is NOT of my own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that I may not boast. For I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that I should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:4-10)
WOW! Such a beautiful thing!
It's so hard to grasp God's love, kindness, mercy, and favor on my life to bring Him glory.
But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. (1 Corinthians 1:27-29)
God's full intention was for His creation to bring praise to Him.
We rebelled and have worshiped everything but Him; separating us from Him.
His heart is reconcile us to Himself and he has given us the ministry of reconciliation (making the gospel known) through His Son Jesus so that we may have LIFE.
Listen to this song:
I am so amazed that before I was conceived in my mother's womb HE KNEW exactly who
Lauren Brooke Simpson
would be and what my life would look like and how He would draw me to himself and redeem my broken life.
It is for this reason that I don't want to waste the one life that has been given to me.
I want others to experience the magnitude and intimate love of our Great King!
That's what I want my WHOLE life to consist of and what I want to be known for.
I am nothing and this blog post is not about me, but rather about an incredible Savior, Redeemer, Lover, Sustainer, and Creator.
He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
With a heart of thankfulness and amazement my heart cries out Psalm 139 to my perfect Creator:
O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
Thank you for loving me, creating me, hearing me, saving me, healing me, and redeeming me.
My Jesus I love Thee; I know Thou art mine.
In You I am LOVED, SECURED, and ACCEPTED. I have LIFE.
I am NEVER alone.
I have an eternal inheritance as your adopted child.
"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." -Elizabeth Lawrence
Fall is by FAR my favorite season for several reasons...
1. October is my Birthday Month!
I enjoy celebrating birthdays more than anyone else that I know!! There's just something so special about the day that you were born! I spend ALL of October celebrating October 30th! Unfortunately, my friends and family are not big fans of this "birthday month" idea.
2. Colors of the Leaves
There's nothing like watching the colors of the leaves change;
It is evident that there is something new and refreshing right around the corner.
3. The Leaves on the Ground
Jumping in leave piles brings joy to my little soul!
4.Pumpkin Coffee
In general, Coffee Shops are one of my favorite hangout spots;
during autumn I find it extremely refreshing to grab a good book or study Scripture in a cozy coffee shop with a pumpkin coffee or latte in hand.
5. Hiking Trails
I enjoy taking walks on trails during the fall; the ability to hear the crunch of the leaves with every step I take and the fact that God has blessed me with the ability to see His beautiful creation fills my heart with thankfulness.
6. Pumpkin Pickin'
Whether it's with family or friends, I always look forward to this time of the year when we all load up and head to our local pumpkin patch.
I always look for the punkin that is the biggest, roundest,& orangest!
7. Pumpkin Carving
I enjoy getting creative and carving a pumpkin! This year I think I might try to paint a design on mine.
The brisk air outdoors makes it a pleasure to come indoors to different fall aromas such as homemade apple pie, pumpkin spice, firewood, candy apples, autumn potpourri, etc.
9. BONFIRES
Bonfires no matter how big or small are always a great way to get the gang together for s'more s'mores!
10. Arts & Crafts
Arts and Crafts are my "go to" and knitting just happens to be one of my favorite things to do. You will most likely see me actively trying to pursue this activity during the cooler months.
11. Apples-to-Apples
Apple Cider and Apple Pie are also another top favorite!
My grandma makes an amazing apple pie that will melt in mouth!
If my family and I get the chance we usually stop at one of the produce stands in the mountains and stock up on apples and apple cider for the fall and winter months.
12. Camping
I'm not a big fan of the buggies but I will allow them to be my friend for a night or two out in the middle of nowhere when it comes to pitchin' a tent!
13. College Football
Ok, ok, ok... so UNCC doesn't have a football team YET, but I long for the day 08-31-13 when they hit the turf for our first game! My roomie, Holli, is obsessed with football! I have learned a lot more than I ever knew was possible by living with her! Let's just say when Clemson plays...I GET PUMPED! As far as NFL is concerned... GO Panthers & Bronco's! Just sayin'....
14. Scarves
There's nothing like a little fall fashion!
Scarves add a great accent to any outfit and serve the second purpose of keeping oneself warm and bundled up on those cold mornings walking to class.
15. Fall Decor
Last, but definitely not least, one of my favorite things about fall is the fabulous decor!
With just a touch of a few neutral tones any home (even a dorm room) can experience its own "harvest time" feel. I enjoy getting creative and using different elements from the outdoors to create table pieces or door wreathes such as Indian corn, acorns, mini pumpkins, leaves, or pine cones.
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